Misadventure! My First Shower in a Week

One of the best things about breaking my knee, besides the pain medication, is the outpouring of attention I receive. People have called, IMed, dropped by, and texted since the news broke. I've had meals cooked, food brought, errands run and household tasks done for me. I'm like a celebrity, but instead of being famous I'm just clumsy.

However the perks come with a cost. Namely up until late Thursday night I was filthy. I've skipped a day or two in the shower but a full week is a new personal record (not including my one month foray into the Uintas mountains). Since my scrapes have almost healed and I was bored I decided to try the bane of all people on crutches... the shower.

Not being able to bend one's leg sucks if you have long legs like I do. As I stood naked in my shower I tried to work out the logistics of the brace, faucets, hair products and scrubber. It was a non-starter. So a bath it was.

I got the brace off and keeping my knee locked I was able to ease down into the tub, keeping my foot against the wall on the edge of the tub so I could fit. Only I realized there was a problem. I hadn't shut off the water and the faucets are like a million miles away.

With some discomfort I was able to turn them off before I drowned or flooded my bathroom.It also became immediately apparent I was not going to be able to sumberge my back, let alone my head or shoulders.

But... OH MY GOD it was glorious to take my scrubber to the itchy backs of my legs and grind it against my skin till I could no longer stand it. It was borderline orgasmic. I managed to wash my face-- hair and beard will have to wait for another day.

I waited in the empty bath till my leg was dry enough to put my brace back on. The dismount was a struggle at first but I took it in stages and managed to climb out through a series of contortions. Suddenly those commercials where the old lady says "I've fallen and I can't get up," didn't seem so laughable.

I can't begin to describe how good it feels to be 95% clean and in fresh self-adhesive bandages (Thanks Ben!). My left foot, unfortunately is on it's own. I've never been able to touch my toes, an ability I wish I'd practiced. But still... clean skin. Holy shit.

My swelling is down some and my nasty scrape is down to just the lower palm of my right hand. I can peg-leg around the house fine without crutches. The human body is an amazing thing... even better when you wash it.



Mike bode is the author of The Queen of Lies, the first installment in the ongoing series, Architects of the Grand Design. His next book comes out October. Sign up for the mailing list for more info. You can find him on Facebook, Twitter and Pinterest . (You can also follow him on Goodreads and even Amazon)

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